Going through the motions....

 I've been just going through the motions today. I haven't been outside all day but I did get out of bed. My  mind is rambling so it's hard to stay on task and it's even harder when I keep thinking about what I need to do and what I haven't finished yet. That is all that I think about; survival. Even when I am inebriated, all I can ever think about is what I haven't accomplished. I know that "everything" happens for a reason. I am trying my hardest to remain optimistic but I am so tired of feeling this feeling of despair. I am trying to shake this feeling of worthlessness. I am so beyond doing what I have to do. Spoiler alert, starting from scratch in life is a real set up. You can make good grades, stay out of trouble, be diligent and still manage to feel like it was all for nothing. Now, I really understand the concept of "make the most of each day" because I know for a fact that negative thoughts can and will overtake good ones. Pessimistic thoughts will cloud your mind and make you forget that there was ever anything good. I'm trying to take life one day at a time. It's easier said than done. I always feel better when I write. It's one of the main things that's keeping me going; words. I can't wait until I'm off of this emotional rollercoaster. I can't wait until I feel better. I can't wait until I am myself again. Depression is invisible yet deadly!