Better Space

 I’ll start with my smile simply because I’ve been doing so much more of it these days. The best part of my smiling is knowing that deep down, I’m the one who’s responsible for it.  Which also means that no one else can take it away from me. “The world don’t give me my joy and they can’t take it away!” 

Just looking back, I can’t fathom how severely depressed I was. It truly blows my mind how we (humans) are able to recover from depression; yet during depression, almost everything seems impossible. 

Even a task as simple as bathing often felt too challenging when I was depressed. 

On a better and BRIGHTER note, I’ve been choosing myself A LOT more. And what I mean by that is: I’ve been trusting my instinct more, listening to my body even more by resting when I am tired instead of operating on “fumes” & being more gentle with myself! 

I allow myself to make mistakes and learn from them now. Whereas in the past, I’d allow one minor mishap to dictate my entire day, week or sometimes even the entire month! 

I can’t believe how I used to allow so many unimportant  OUTSIDE things to control MY mood & emotions. 🤦🏾‍♀️

 I will NEVER be perfect and I no longer strive for perfection. What I do strive for, however, is peace of mind and genuine* happiness! 

I’m not talking about the kind of “happiness” that everyone portrays on social media where there’s always sunshine and joy! I’m talking about the kind of happiness that’s from within. I’m talking about the kind of happiness that gives solidified confirmation that no matter what happens around me it can’t change what’s inside of me. 

Losing one of my best friends last year, one of my favorite uncles and then my close cousin in a car crash shortly thereafter definitely changed me. 🥺

It changed my perspective on life as a whole! It’s easier for me to forgive now and I take nothing for granted. 

To be frank, I’m still in the grieving process. I think the grieving process never really ends quite honestly. Some days I’m okay and some days I catch myself crying at the very mention of their names. Thankfully, I’m in the acceptance stage now. Things are getting better… 

Even in the midst of tragedy a beautiful lesson can still be learned. And the loss of my loved ones taught me to love everything around me just a little more; including myself! 🥰

It feels so good to feel good again!! Thank you God! 🥰